i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
