The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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