So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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