WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
