I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
