Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
