i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
