Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sobbing to NWA
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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