it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
