can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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