Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
