man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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