They should really pass out barf bags in church
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
