I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
