.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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