Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if only i could text you this smell
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
