my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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