oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize