U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
