I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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