you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
