You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
