She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
