how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
