i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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