He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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