i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
