"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize