shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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