I should be sponsored by Trojan
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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