Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
