end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
