How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
