Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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