I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
