so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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