Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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