We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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