she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
