oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Soap is not a condiment
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
