Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
