just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
