but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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