Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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