i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize