just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
