One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
