So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
