So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
