why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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