that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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