just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dicks are not precious.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
