He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I want is dick and wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
