We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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