Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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