He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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