I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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