I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
