Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
