his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
