I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
