Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
