KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
